For Teana

Old People. More specifically, Old People at Wal-mart.

I feel compelled to begin with a qualifier...I mean,I am not the one who has a problem with old people. ; ) At least not until today.

Still, I don't think the problem with "old people" is their age. I think some people are just out of touch whether they are young or old.

Take for example the woman I encountered this morning. Typically, I enjoy the relative peace of shopping the super center in the morning. This morning, however, I barely made it past the greeter before my defenseless little Buddy Boy was molested by HER.

You see, my sweet Scarley-girl slept perfectly through her first night without a diaper, hooray! I had just grabbed a nice, cold, celebratory chocolate milk chug from the case, turned around and saw it. There stood a lady wearing a tank top, small shorts, glasses, tight white-haired bun, without teeth, TOUCHING my baby boy. (Okay, not in a pervy way, but still, you don't just touch other people's children!) Well, it didn't end there. Undaunted by me stepping up to push the cart away, this woman proceeded from tickling his fat little feet to literally nibbling on his chunky little toes! Who actually inserts a complete stranger's feet in their mouth (regardless of it being a totally and completely, irresistably chunky, little man)?! GROSS. Poor Judson. Did I mention she had those stubbly white and black walrus hairs around her mouth? Ewww.

See what I mean? She could have been my age and still made it on the "People of Wal-mart" website. Some people just don't get it.

I thought we were on our way. But then we got stopped by the old guy on the Hover Round. He was 84 and looked pretty good for his age. He has been married 62 years which is impressive. But really, all I wanted to do was get my shopping done and get the heck out of there. Seriously, I only have so much time before one or both of my children have a meltdown. But no, he had to get a high five from Scarlett. Well, good luck. She's not that outgoing. So, being a wise 84 year old, he enticed her with a peppermint. You know, the kind that all of the old people at my friend Natalie's church used to bust open immediately after the communion, like a chorus of crackly cellophane. Well, of course, that became a game too. He held it out to her and when she went to grab it he pulled it back again. I'm standing there thinking, "Ugh, how long is this going to go on?" Thankfully, it didn't last much longer than that thought followed by a little awkwardness.

Really, this guy was not THAT bad, he just had the misfortune of being the encore to the toe-gummer.

Oh, man! I almost forgot...one of the best lines from the old lady, who had a cart full of crap, including Little Debbie Nutty Bars, commenting to Scarlett (but we all know the message was for me) about one of our items "That's hard on your waistline honey, I'm not kidding."

Thank you very much, old lady.

And thank you for making me think of my dear friend Teana. It really put a smile on my face.

In other news: BIG props to Wal-mart and FedEx, I just ordered a double jogging stroller on Tuesday evening. Was supposed to arrive (with free shipping, no less) between NEXT Monday and Thursday. Showed up on my porch today!